Topic #1 From Marilou (A.K.A. "Mom"): "Ok, I would like for you to answer this question in a blog. I am pretty sure that you could come up with something amusing to say about the subject. What is the correct answer to the question 'does this dress make me look fat?' (and other such ponderings)"
"Does this dress make me look fat?" How many times has this catch 22 line been used for some sort of joke? Oh so many times. Why? Because it has occurred so often in reality. The entire point of humor is to find something in reality that most people have experienced or heard about and capitalize on the obvious comical nature of said "something". Therefore, men, what do you do when this certain question is posed to you? What is the correct response to "Does this dress make me look fat?" Let's weigh the options. Their pros and cons.
1. Be honest.
-Pro #1: If the dress does, indeed, make your woman look fat, you have saved her from embarrassment, shame, and horrendous pictures to commemorate the "fat dress".
-Pro #2: If she does not look fat in the dress, you have now opened up a window of opportunity to compliment your woman on the dress, her body, etc., etc. After a plethora of compliments, you as the husband know that you will be... ahem... rewarded for the "honest" response.
- Con #1: If the dress does, indeed, make your woman look fat, don't expect love-making for quite some time. Your woman's self-esteem has plummeted. Although she already knew the dress made her look heftier than usual (which is why she had to check with you in the first place), you have now insulted not her body in that particular dress, oh no, but her body in general. She does not look fat in the dress... she is a hippo... regardless of attire. With this in mind, unless you tell her that you have always had some strange attraction to hippos, she will not think she is worthy of having sex with you because she is too fat.
- Con #2: If she does not look fat in the dress, you are a liar. Why, she KNOWS she looks fat in that dress, she has two eyes of her own, dang it! However, you... you are the problem... how can she trust you now?!
2. Lie. Lie until your nose rivals the length of the Golden Gate Bridge.
-Pro #1: You have avoided the wrath of a self-conscious woman, and you have lifted her self-esteem. She feels thinner and more attractive because of you.
-Con #1: Most likely, if she felt the need to ASK if the dress "plumped" her, she already knew that it did. And now... now she has caught you lying. Consider yourself doomed.
-Con #2: One word: pictures. (See the end of Con #1.)
3. Ignore the question; act like you did not hear it; subtly move on to another topic.
-Pro #1: If your woman is not very perceptive, this would be the best choice. She will either start thinking about something else or just not care enough to remind you of her question.
-Con #1: If your woman is perceptive, you are doomed once again. Sorry. She will catch on and either get angry at you because now she KNOWS you think she looks fat and/or she knows that you are afraid of her wrath. You are afraid of her wrath = she is too emotional.
In Short: If you are a man to which this question is posed, you are destined for an epic. fail.
However: As a Christian and a person who believes in morals- including honesty- I would have to say the best, and least deceptive, decision would be to be honest (Option #1). If you should choose this route, please remember to observe the pros and cons as this route could possibly be fatal. However, every other route could, too, turn fatal. Therefore, I figure, you might as well choose the moral one. Right? Is this making sense?
The Point Is: You should be honest but KIND! Blunt truth is absolutely not acceptable. Bluntness, abruptness, frankness, straight-forwardness - leave these friends at home... or in another room if this conversation occurs at your home... Just be sweetly honest. That would be the best way to handle this catch 22 in my opinion. What do you think?
Oh! But before you answer that question... this woman wants to know: "Does this dress make me look fat?"