Friday, July 23, 2010

"Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin' world go round"

Dieting is a pain, let's face it. A-nnoying. Well, I am, once again, in that fantastic dietastical world. I have to say, though, that I am enjoying it! Okay, let me explain before you count me off as a psychopathic freakazoid. Why do I enjoy it?

- I feel better about myself in general- I feel more attractive and appealing even if I still can't fit into that one pair of dream jeans. So what! I feel HOT! Ow OWWWW! Bow chicka... okay that's done.

- I have more of a drive to get things done and do exciting, fun things. For example, I have been feeling really "crafty"! I am going to begin a scrapbook soon of Travis and my first married year together, and, as you have seen (if you have been following... if not, FOR SHAME!!!), I have also been making greeting cards, which has been a lot of fun. Another recent project was doing something with "Shirley Baby". Shirley Baby is a ratty, old doll that I used to play with and bring everywhere. Before I got her, she was my sister's doll; so this doll is old as sin (and I am in no way implying that my sister or I am old by any means!). Well, I decided to put her in a shadow box instead of storing her away where no one would see her and she would be taking up storage space. I added a background and wrote her name on it. I am pretty excited and pleased with the result. What do you think?

- Another reason I enjoy dieting is because it forces me to not be lazy. This kind of goes along with the above bullet. Instead of sitting around on my fat, lazy behind, munching on something while facebooking to make time pass, I have to find something else to do. I am a firm believer in "eating because I'm bored"... why? Because I do it! ALL the time! It is a time-passer. If I don't want to accomplish something, I simply find something to munch on, sit on my booty (which will soon be bigger due to the munching), and watch television or get on facebook. How sad is that?! However, I think a lot more people than would like to admit do the exact same thing. No? ...forget I said anything... that doesn't happen to me either... heh heh... weird...?

- Finally, paired with dieting, I have been exercising. Yes, exercise gives you endorphins, blah, blah, blah! Whatever!!! I HATE IT!!!!!!!! However, the more I hate it, the more I am proud of myself for doing it at the end of the day. I mean, I would not be proud of myself for eating a bigbutt piece of chocolate cake. I wonder why... Duh! I LOVE chocolate cake; I love eating it! So if I ate a piece of chocolate cake, I would not sit there and pat myself on the back saying, "Good job, Fatty Fat Fat!" However, after killing myself on the treadmill, I can pat myself on the back and say, "Good job, Aerobic Exerciser Extraordinaire! You made it! You're alive! Congratulations! I didn't think you would live this time!" Ahhh! What an accomplished feeling! :D

So what would this blog be without some dieting tips? A shorter blog! However, knowing me, you have a better chance of enjoying the entire Land Before Time series than getting a short blog out of me, so here we go!

- Keep busy. Go out shopping with your friend, mom, spouse, etc., etc. Get your nails done. Determine to finish a craft project. Whatever you choose, do something because the less time you waste sitting around, napping, doing a "time-waster" such as surfing the web, the less junk food is bound to enter the pie-hole of doom!

- Reminisce. Find an old picture of yourself when you were thinner or more fit, print it, and stick it on your refrigerator. That former, better body will make you rethink that ice cream.

- Exercise! Cardiovascular workout is great because you are burning more calories. The more calories burned, the more fat burned. However, cardio isn't going to cut it. You need some strength workout, too. No, I am not encouraging you to look like one of them naaasty bodybuilders, but you do need some more muscle in order to lose weight more effectively. For the men, perhaps you do want to get some bulky muscle. If you want that, simply use more weight when working out. You may not be able to do as many reps, but the heavier weight is what is going to reshape and build your muscles. For the women, unless you want to look like Bertha, the Russian bodybuilder who will take you DOWN, stick with less weight and more reps. It is very tempting to "move up" a weight level when you technically can, but resist the urge! Remember Bertha... always remember Bertha... except in your dreams- that would be a frightful night.

AHHH!!!!!!! ...sorry about that.

- Pray! God helps us in all of our struggles. Pray that you would be able to stick to your diet, that you would stop when the time is right, that would find contentment when you are at your goal weight, and that you would resist vanity when you are more pleased with your body. Remember that getting in the Word daily can also help. The Bible is a living book, so I guarantee that if you are struggling with your diet, if you open up the Bible and let God speak to you through it, it will somehow, someway apply to your diet! It is strange but true! God is just amazing like that.

- Avoid "mindless eating". Avoid sitting at a Mexican restaurant with friends and grabbing a handful of chips out of habit. Trust me! This happens- I have done it! Before giving in to eating something sweet, think about a healthier option. If you truly think about why you want the snack, what is in the snack, and how it is going to affect your body, you may opt for a bowl of strawberries instead. Oh, and one more thing. Think about the calories in the item on which you have your ravenous eyes... how many berries, apples, pears, oranges, etc. could you consume to make up the same amount of calories? Now that is food for thought! Haha! Get it? It's like a pun!

- Find "replacements". Want something salty? Replace chips/crackers with salted edamame beans or snack-sized dill pickles. Don't like either of those? Find something else- something healthy- that can serve as your "salt fix". Now for the sugar fix!!! Beeeee careful! Fruit can be deceivingly high in calories and sugar. However, I can guarantee that fruit's calories and sugar will be oh-so-much more healthy than the sugar and calories found in a bowl of ice cream or a plate of cookies. Anther great thing I discovered were Werther's Original hard candies. They make sugar free caramel and coffee/caramel flavored candies! Epic score! Each candy is around 4 calories each, so if you need a pick me up during the day, pop in one of those candies and suck the sugar craving right out of your system! Also, do not underestimate the power of diet soda... okay, yes, I know... they are SO bad for you! Do you want to be thin or not!? Just have one every once in awhile when you are really craving something- trust me, it helps.

- Drink plenty of fluids. Water can become mundane, I know, but it is the most important part of your diet. Your body desperately needs to flush out toxins in order to lose weight and be at its healthiest, so get out that jug of water and CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! Wow... the word chug starts to get really weird lookin' after typing it in caps four times.... Anyway! Where was I? Oh! Yes. Your body really needs water, but don't think that you can only get water from, well, plain ol' water. Add some Crystal Light! Make some tea! Have a little bit of coffee! Have a *gasp* soft drink! Be wary of those last two, though, because they also tend to dehydrate some (thus, counteracting themselves a little); therefore, don't live off of them! Just DRINK!!! Ah, ah, ah! Not that kind of drink, ya lush! Alcoholic beverages will not only dehydrate you, they will also add lots of calories and (surprise, surprise) lower your inhibitions so that the fatty inside will "free" itself! I'm not a fan of alcohol as it is, but for those of you who like it, remember that just as drinking and driving don't mix, drinking and dieting don't either!

- Multivitamins! Many times our bodies crave a certain food because they are actually craving the vitamins in that food. Keep the cravings away by taking a multivitamin daily. This is not only good for your weight loss, it is also good for your health in general. I have found that when I take a multivitamin, I am more satisfied during the day. It truly helps me stay on track. Give it a shot!

- Do not eat until you are "full" or try to "clear your plate". Eat until you are still a little bit hungry. What?! The whole point of eating is to make yourself not be hungry, right? True, but you must realize that while you are still eating, your food has not yet had time to settle. Therefore, if you eat until you are full, once your food settles you will be stuffed. If you want to just be "full" (much better than stuffed), eat until you are still a little hungry. Then, once your food settles, you will be full. Problem. solved. Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a WINNER!

- Try desperately to be happy with yourself the way you are. You may be thinking, "Yeah, right! I am going to be happy with the out-of-shape body in which I am living. Yeah... nice thought there... imbecile." First of all, it is not nice to call someone an imbecile... so I will be expecting an apology soon. Second of all, if you are continuously down on how you look, you will only bring yourself down emotionally. And if you are anything like me, you eat your emotions! If you don't... I hate you and am so jealous that I am going to go take down a bacon cheeseburger, but I'll have you know that YOU MAKE ME DO THIS!!!! ... Anyway... it is important to look at yourself in the morning and feel good- be happy with how the Lord created you. Know that you are beautiful and desirable. Once you have a skip in your step, you will feel more like hopping on that treadmill or having the will power to say "No" to that fat-injecting junk food. Just remember this: you are a sizzling, hot-smokin' babe!!!!! :D Feel better? I knew you would.

Well, that's all I have for you today! Join me next time on... "Brittany's"... er... "Bubbling, Bulging Belly Buster"... "!" :D

- P.S. Please feel free to share your opinion, tips, or experiences. You know I love me some comments! :) -


  1. Well, as I'm sitting here "bored" in the Breakers Hotel in West Palm, and EATING Honey, Peanut Butter Honey CRACKERS, I enjoyed reading your post!! LMFBO (Laughing my fat butt (I mean BEHIND!) off!) :-) I would have been eating something more "bad" for me but I didn't bring anything with me -- cos I knew I'd EAT it if I did!! I still have a "reception" AND dinner coming up sometime tonight....,

    LOVED the video of the hummingbird. THe music makes it even funnier!!! That is just so funny that he thinks HE owns the sweet water and attacks everyone else, WOnder what would happen if your parents put up a SECOND one - he couldn't guard BOTh could he?? LOL!!

  2. Good post :) Good reminder during lazy summer days- not that I've been lazy ;) with a house to unpack and thank you cards to write and pictures to organize and a job to find...

    I will claim some credit for the Crystal Light (aka- crack) suggestion. Just be careful because it is addicting. The different flavors offer different vitamins and benefits. For example, if struggling with giving up highly sugared sodas- the strawberry is a sugar-free, energy giving water additive! (Boy was that sentence fun to write!) Good luck on the dieting- I will be praying for you!

  3. lol I just started my diet the other day... and I doing pretty well. I can say it is REALLY hard though when all your coworkers go out for lunch and usually mexican food here in TX.. haha! Anyway.. I LOVE WHAT YOU DID WITH SHIRLEY BABY!!!! AWESOME! I need to do something like that for cuddles.. and mickey

  4. @Mom E. Haha! "LMFBO"- that was great! Isn't that video so cute? :) That is funny that you should say the thing about having two feeders because we have actually discussed that. I think at that point he may just blow up. LOL!

    @Kelsey NOLL Thanks! Glad you liked it. No, nothing about your life can involve laziness right now for sure! True, true! I owe you for the Crystal Light "crack", heehee! YOU would know out of alllll people about the addictive nature of Crystal Light. I seem to remember a certain someone pouring TWO packets of it into her drink EVERY day in class! LOL... remember how Anna used to make a sport out of watching you "Crystal Lightify" your water? Too funny! Love that girl! Thanks for the prayers, chica!

    @Linz Good luck! Dieting when peers want to go out is definitely tough- especially with Mexican food! Ahhh, gotta love that stuff! Thank you so much! I really appreciate it. Glad you liked it! I didn't know what else to do with her! LOL Good luck with putting one together for Cuddles and Mickey- it took me like two seconds, so go for it! It was a cinch! :)

  5. I am definitely not a sizzling, hot-smokin' babe.

    Funny post though. And that bodybuilder chick has got to be one of the scariest looking people I have ever seen.. pretty sure its a guy with a wig. Or at least I am hoping that it is...

  6. Oh yes you ARE! ;) Glad you enjoyed the post. Sadly, that bodybuilder IS a woman. It came from a site that was discussing the dangers of steroids. Part of the dangers to women is that they can start looking like men and developing unwanted "man hair" on their face, chest, back, etc. Gah-ross!

  7. This post was funny.
    I think I could lose about 10 lbs if i could just stop eating at night!
    I like to pretend the chip dipping is healthy. :) I also like to pretend that my pants fit.. but oh well. It's my husband's fault for deluding me with lavish praise.
    I hate the treadmill to so when my babe's here we like to rollerblade, run or walk outside together.
    If he's not here I pray and praise while I run outside.
    Anything to make the time go by and avoid that awful tredmill. Makes me feel like a hamster!

  8. Hehe, glad you enjoyed it. I know how you feel about eating at night- it is the PERFECT snack time... so unfair! Travis, too, loves to just praise and praise the way I look; how can a girl expect to lose weight when she is already great looking to her husband!? Who else do we need to impress?! LOL I usually watch TV while treadmilling so that the time will pass. I also vary the speed to make it less mundane
    (it is also better for you so that is a bonus!). Thanks for the comment! :)

  9. Love what you did with Shirley Baby! Really cute!
    Another GREAT "free" drink is Passion Iced Tea (unsweetened) with sugar-free vanilla syrup and Splenda if you like. . .so good! One of my foster parents served this to me and I loved it!! My BFF loves this with a splash of lemonade in it. Good stuff!
    Of course now that we have the McD dollar diet cokes, it has been a favorite for me. . . and I scrapbook two days a week - hard to eat much when you are creating something nice! But bring on the diet coke!
    Good suggestions. . .wish I was in a position to be able to do the exercise I would like to but I have to wait for a little more healing from my car accident first. I do make it a point to walk around in the office, like picking up every print job one at a time instead of waiting for them to stack up.
    One thing that I often find myself thinking is from scripture "I am fearfully and wonderfully made [by God]" so even if I am not where I want to be I am still learning to be content at each step of the way.
    Funny thing: Andy just went camping with his brother and came home and told me his brother (who is diabetic and overweight) has lost about 40 pounds on some "new" diet. Well, scripture tells us there is "nothing new under the sun" but he was explaining this "diet" to me. He said his brother takes this hormone created during pregnancy (yeah, that seemed REALLY odd to me too!) and I am not sure if it is by injection or ingestion, but. . .the funny part. . . he has only 500 calories a day! 500!!!! I told Andy, well, yeah, that is like five of my little 100 calorie cookies or my Weight Watcher bars, or maybe a hamburger or a sandwich - and that is IT! For the day! I told him I did not want to seem too discouraging but that it was not likely he could stick to that. But just in case he thought he could I asked him to run it by our family physician to see what she thinks of it.
    He ended up checking the plan online - it is the HCG plan. He decided it was a money maker for the company and offered little in terms of health benefits, etc. So he is not going to do it after all. Good!

  10. Thanks! I really like how she turned out!

    I think I have tried the Passion tea before and liked it! I will have to try another! ;)

    Thanks; glad you think so. Well, if you are injured, you shouldn't be doing hardcore exercising! LOL Don't want to hurt yourself! However, that is good to make an effort to not take the "easy way out" with things (such as getting up and going to the printer each and every time). Good choice!

    Great verse to hold on to; I should have that posted somewhere- probably in every room come to think of it!

    That diet seems EXTREMELY dangerous! His metabolism is bound to fail soon, and when it does, the weight loss will cease. Then, when he quits the diet finally, he will absolutely PILE weight back on!!! No! No! No! Baaaad diet! You never want to kill your metabolism like that- poor guy is going to have a rude awakening when he gets off that thing. So glad neither of you are participating in such madness!

    Thanks for the comment! :) I know that you re-posted it in two parts, but I deleted those two because it accepted your original post after all! Yay! <3