"Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin' world go round"

Dieting is a pain, let's face it. A-nnoying. Well, I am, once again, in that fantastic dietastical world. I have to say, though, that I am enjoying it! Okay, let me explain before you count me off as a psychopathic freakazoid. Why do I enjoy it?

- I feel better about myself in general- I feel more attractive and appealing even if I still can't fit into that one pair of dream jeans. So what! I feel HOT! Ow OWWWW! Bow chicka... okay that's done.

- I have more of a drive to get things done and do exciting, fun things. For example, I have been feeling really "crafty"! I am going to begin a scrapbook soon of Travis and my first married year together, and, as you have seen (if you have been following... if not, FOR SHAME!!!), I have also been making greeting cards, which has been a lot of fun. Another recent project was doing something with "Shirley Baby". Shirley Baby is a ratty, old doll that I used to play with and bring everywhere. Before I got her, she was my sister's doll; so this doll is old as sin (and I am in no way implying that my sister or I am old by any means!). Well, I decided to put her in a shadow box instead of storing her away where no one would see her and she would be taking up storage space. I added a background and wrote her name on it. I am pretty excited and pleased with the result. What do you think?

- Another reason I enjoy dieting is because it forces me to not be lazy. This kind of goes along with the above bullet. Instead of sitting around on my fat, lazy behind, munching on something while facebooking to make time pass, I have to find something else to do. I am a firm believer in "eating because I'm bored"... why? Because I do it! ALL the time! It is a time-passer. If I don't want to accomplish something, I simply find something to munch on, sit on my booty (which will soon be bigger due to the munching), and watch television or get on facebook. How sad is that?! However, I think a lot more people than would like to admit do the exact same thing. No? ...forget I said anything... that doesn't happen to me either... heh heh... weird...?

- Finally, paired with dieting, I have been exercising. Yes, exercise gives you endorphins, blah, blah, blah! Whatever!!! I HATE IT!!!!!!!! However, the more I hate it, the more I am proud of myself for doing it at the end of the day. I mean, I would not be proud of myself for eating a bigbutt piece of chocolate cake. I wonder why... Duh! I LOVE chocolate cake; I love eating it! So if I ate a piece of chocolate cake, I would not sit there and pat myself on the back saying, "Good job, Fatty Fat Fat!" However, after killing myself on the treadmill, I can pat myself on the back and say, "Good job, Aerobic Exerciser Extraordinaire! You made it! You're alive! Congratulations! I didn't think you would live this time!" Ahhh! What an accomplished feeling! :D

So what would this blog be without some dieting tips? A shorter blog! However, knowing me, you have a better chance of enjoying the entire Land Before Time series than getting a short blog out of me, so here we go!

- Keep busy. Go out shopping with your friend, mom, spouse, etc., etc. Get your nails done. Determine to finish a craft project. Whatever you choose, do something because the less time you waste sitting around, napping, doing a "time-waster" such as surfing the web, the less junk food is bound to enter the pie-hole of doom!

- Reminisce. Find an old picture of yourself when you were thinner or more fit, print it, and stick it on your refrigerator. That former, better body will make you rethink that ice cream.

- Exercise! Cardiovascular workout is great because you are burning more calories. The more calories burned, the more fat burned. However, cardio isn't going to cut it. You need some strength workout, too. No, I am not encouraging you to look like one of them naaasty bodybuilders, but you do need some more muscle in order to lose weight more effectively. For the men, perhaps you do want to get some bulky muscle. If you want that, simply use more weight when working out. You may not be able to do as many reps, but the heavier weight is what is going to reshape and build your muscles. For the women, unless you want to look like Bertha, the Russian bodybuilder who will take you DOWN, stick with less weight and more reps. It is very tempting to "move up" a weight level when you technically can, but resist the urge! Remember Bertha... always remember Bertha... except in your dreams- that would be a frightful night.

AHHH!!!!!!! ...sorry about that.

- Pray! God helps us in all of our struggles. Pray that you would be able to stick to your diet, that you would stop when the time is right, that would find contentment when you are at your goal weight, and that you would resist vanity when you are more pleased with your body. Remember that getting in the Word daily can also help. The Bible is a living book, so I guarantee that if you are struggling with your diet, if you open up the Bible and let God speak to you through it, it will somehow, someway apply to your diet! It is strange but true! God is just amazing like that.

- Avoid "mindless eating". Avoid sitting at a Mexican restaurant with friends and grabbing a handful of chips out of habit. Trust me! This happens- I have done it! Before giving in to eating something sweet, think about a healthier option. If you truly think about why you want the snack, what is in the snack, and how it is going to affect your body, you may opt for a bowl of strawberries instead. Oh, and one more thing. Think about the calories in the item on which you have your ravenous eyes... how many berries, apples, pears, oranges, etc. could you consume to make up the same amount of calories? Now that is food for thought! Haha! Get it? It's like a pun!

- Find "replacements". Want something salty? Replace chips/crackers with salted edamame beans or snack-sized dill pickles. Don't like either of those? Find something else- something healthy- that can serve as your "salt fix". Now for the sugar fix!!! Beeeee careful! Fruit can be deceivingly high in calories and sugar. However, I can guarantee that fruit's calories and sugar will be oh-so-much more healthy than the sugar and calories found in a bowl of ice cream or a plate of cookies. Anther great thing I discovered were Werther's Original hard candies. They make sugar free caramel and coffee/caramel flavored candies! Epic score! Each candy is around 4 calories each, so if you need a pick me up during the day, pop in one of those candies and suck the sugar craving right out of your system! Also, do not underestimate the power of diet soda... okay, yes, I know... they are SO bad for you! Do you want to be thin or not!? Just have one every once in awhile when you are really craving something- trust me, it helps.

- Drink plenty of fluids. Water can become mundane, I know, but it is the most important part of your diet. Your body desperately needs to flush out toxins in order to lose weight and be at its healthiest, so get out that jug of water and CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! Wow... the word chug starts to get really weird lookin' after typing it in caps four times.... Anyway! Where was I? Oh! Yes. Your body really needs water, but don't think that you can only get water from, well, plain ol' water. Add some Crystal Light! Make some tea! Have a little bit of coffee! Have a *gasp* soft drink! Be wary of those last two, though, because they also tend to dehydrate some (thus, counteracting themselves a little); therefore, don't live off of them! Just DRINK!!! Ah, ah, ah! Not that kind of drink, ya lush! Alcoholic beverages will not only dehydrate you, they will also add lots of calories and (surprise, surprise) lower your inhibitions so that the fatty inside will "free" itself! I'm not a fan of alcohol as it is, but for those of you who like it, remember that just as drinking and driving don't mix, drinking and dieting don't either!

- Multivitamins! Many times our bodies crave a certain food because they are actually craving the vitamins in that food. Keep the cravings away by taking a multivitamin daily. This is not only good for your weight loss, it is also good for your health in general. I have found that when I take a multivitamin, I am more satisfied during the day. It truly helps me stay on track. Give it a shot!

- Do not eat until you are "full" or try to "clear your plate". Eat until you are still a little bit hungry. What?! The whole point of eating is to make yourself not be hungry, right? True, but you must realize that while you are still eating, your food has not yet had time to settle. Therefore, if you eat until you are full, once your food settles you will be stuffed. If you want to just be "full" (much better than stuffed), eat until you are still a little hungry. Then, once your food settles, you will be full. Problem. solved. Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a WINNER!

- Try desperately to be happy with yourself the way you are. You may be thinking, "Yeah, right! I am going to be happy with the out-of-shape body in which I am living. Yeah... nice thought there... imbecile." First of all, it is not nice to call someone an imbecile... so I will be expecting an apology soon. Second of all, if you are continuously down on how you look, you will only bring yourself down emotionally. And if you are anything like me, you eat your emotions! If you don't... I hate you and am so jealous that I am going to go take down a bacon cheeseburger, but I'll have you know that YOU MAKE ME DO THIS!!!! ... Anyway... it is important to look at yourself in the morning and feel good- be happy with how the Lord created you. Know that you are beautiful and desirable. Once you have a skip in your step, you will feel more like hopping on that treadmill or having the will power to say "No" to that fat-injecting junk food. Just remember this: you are a sizzling, hot-smokin' babe!!!!! :D Feel better? I knew you would.

Well, that's all I have for you today! Join me next time on... "Brittany's"... er... "Bubbling, Bulging Belly Buster"... "!" :D

- P.S. Please feel free to share your opinion, tips, or experiences. You know I love me some comments! :) -